The Year of No
Do you ever just take a look around your life and wonder how did I get here?
How many decisions did it take? How many decisions were made from my head or my heart?
How many times did I make those decisions from my younger, smaller, scared self?
How many times did I forget how magnificent I really am?
This is a story of deconstructing that programming…again.
Hi, my name is Lindsay and I am a recovering people pleaser.
Also known as a yes man/woman, cheerful happy masked individual, the one who gives advice, the one who brings the light, the bright shiny beacon in the world that helps along the way.
Don’t get me wrong, who doesn’t want to be the bright shiny beacon?
(hint: we’re all bright shiny beacons)
But sometimes, actually a lot of the time, when you’re a yes person, a hard worker, someone that doesn’t want to turn away ANY opportunity to shine or succeed, you look around and say do I really want any of this?
Who decided that I should want this?
Was it really me?
Zero in to today, March 16th, 2021.
I’ve been in my business for almost two full years now.
Two full years of overanalysis, huge wins, setbacks, leaps forward, lessons learned, epiphanies, clean slates, overbooked calendars, breakdowns, and huge EVOLUTION.
I’m not only a mindset coach, I’m an emotional energy clearing practitioner, an Intuitive channel, a podcast host, an inspirational speaker, a mindfulness specialist, ego navigation expert, a graduate from Northeastern University, a sister, a wife, a daughter, a friend, and a member of a good number of networking groups/clubs that I felt would lead me to more opportunity.
I’m a forever learner. I’m fascinated by the mysteries of the Universe
Which means that I LOVE to leap in, get the certification, and learn about the next modality that will take me to the next level. (right now it’s human design)
But the shadow piece of this is that I can leap into things because I don’t feel good enough NOW. As is. Just in my shiny bright essence.
I’m a salesperson’s dream. I love to hear the story. See the results. And then apply that to how it could change my life.
That’s also lead to an impressive amount of debt and an overwhelmed sense of wait what am I doing? And not just on today March 16th, 2021…but this has happened approximately 27 times since starting my coaching business full time.
I’m also really smart (or so I’ve been told) but time and time again I fall back into the following stories…
- If you say no you could be missing out on an amazing opportunity
- If you say no they won’t like you (cue major stomach ache)
- If you say no you’re not trusting the Universe
- If you say no you’ll be rejected and alone forever
- If you aren’t there for them your relationship will disintegrate in front of your eyes
- I don’t know enough, I need help with this, I can’t succeed without a guideline
To the last point, literally I am typing this on my laptop and I am thinking, I need to know how to publish this, who can I get ahold of? Who can teach me to write this book in the RIGHT way?
Ooof. That one stings.
The right way. The Ego says…this will be a waste of time if no one reads this.
This is pathetic. Why haven’t you figured this out yet?
You claim to be a master of the ego stories yet here you are again. Spinning. Wondering. Waiting. Overanalyzing.
At the bottom of the valley surrounded by trees wondering where to go next…
Maybe this is where we go next.
I don’t want this book/blog/google doc to be the ULTIMATE SOLUTION.
The HEY I FIGURED IT OUT LOOK AT ME OVER HERE DO WHAT I’M DOING.
I want it to be an expression of who I really am. What I’m really going through. In real time.
I want it to be the unofficial guide to BUILDING A BUSINESS WHILE HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND TRYING TO SORT OUT ALL OF YOUR INSPIRATION AND CREATIVE PROCESSES AND NAVIGATING THE EMOTIONS OF EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET.
And honestly, I feel better already.
Because I’m just being honest.
Some days I feel like I have it all figured out. I have the wild and incredibly out of this world epiphanies that make me feel like I AM MY HIGHER SELF.
And some days I feel like I’m on the hamster wheel. Figuring it out. Again. And again. And again. I’m in the whirlwind of Source energy and downloads and higher knowing, and then when I try to drop it down into this 3D reality I’m like uhhhh….podcast? Book? Blog? Another course?
The bottom line is we are here to fully express ourselves in this world. To be real. To be raw. To be honest. To be as close to ourselves as we possibly can. And fully embracing that I might be a completely different version of myself tomorrow, next week, the following month, etc.
When we can be honest and share our raw vulnerability that is when we are fully SEEN. That is when it is the scariest but we’re not doing it for the fame, the money, the power, the success…we’re doing it to simply have our impact on the world, in whatever small way we can.
I want you to feel me in this expression. I want you to feel yourself. I want you to see the truth of who I am. I don’t have it figured out. I am inspiration. I am impact. I am love. I am expression. I am truth. I am vulnerability. But I have nooo idea how to put that into a digestible form. I am just me.
I have discovered I tend to take on other people’s identities. It’s pretty cool actually…I can get super inspired by someone and then break it down for other people to digest.
But once again, that tricky shadow piece. I take on other people’s identities while thinking it’s ME. It’s not. It’s them and I am simply trying to fit into another container. Another actionable step.
It goes a little something like this…
- Source help me please to figure out what I’m doing
- Gets huge downloads and clarity from Source
- Shares in live video
- Questions what I shared and if anyone is watching
- Goes back down into self doubt and questioning and overwhelm
- Wants external validation that I’m doing the right thing
- Back down into lower vibes
Listen, I know that life is not meant to be perfect. It’s messy. It’s weird. It’s scary. But for the love of GOD/SPIRIT/ANGELS can’t I just get into a better flow? What’s the secret here?
Here’s what I’m thinking right now.
Let me be perfectly clear I have no concept of how long this stream of consciousness/book/blog/theory will last. I truly want to release the attachment here.
What gets to happen when I start to say no?
What gets to happen when I clear the space?
What gets to happen when I actually face my overflowing inbox, facebook friends list, opportunities, to do list, oh and yeah those pesky taxes…
What gets to happen when I start to listen to my body’s response to things?
What gets to happen when I stop following 1877 other coaches and just start listening to PEOPLE.
I think what gets to happen is that I start to discover ME.
The actual ME. The essence of me and what I LOVE vs. what I think I should be doing.
And I think through the connection to who I really am, that is when the aligned opportunities/people/places/luck/Source will find me.
Because right now, all I’m doing is really saying YES to everything which is leading to a whole lotta nothing.
So this is the book of NO.
It’s the experiences that lead me out of the “not good enough” people pleasing world and into the unknown. Truly like I have no idea where this will lead.
Some basic ground rules:
- The rules can change. I am allowed to say EFF NO to the rules.
- Set the intention to clear the space- meaning people who don’t jive with me anymore, emails, opportunities, money leaks, etc.
- Here’s the hard part for me that makes me want to vomit. When opportunities come into my environment, I can’t say yes right away. I have to feel into my sacral response. My body. My intuition. My higher knowing. The truth is…I tend to say yes from a lack mentality. And I think the only way to break this is to start to recognize my tendency to say YES out of lack. Which leads to this rule being…only saying YES if it’s a hell yes.
- Raise my vibration to the highest level that I can every day. Rediscover what I love and follow that. (this is going to make the hell yes easier)
- Nurture myself HARD along this path. My inner child is gonna be freakin.
- Focus on all of the freaking amazing things that are currently in my life. LIKE WHOA.
- Make my top priority talking about the limiting beliefs that we are releasing as a society. This is one thing that I know FOR SURE brings me a fuck ton of joy. So anything where I can talk about this is a YES.
- Jot down the knowings, the learnings, the moments, the whoas, the epiphanies, so they can be shared with others
Welcome to the “Year of No”.
My hope is that through this exploration I’ll come back to my truth. Not the truth of others. But MY TRUTH. And maybe along the way, other people will be able to discover their authentic truth as well.